When we have suffered over a long period of time without much support or compassion, we come to learn to protect ourselves. We come to rely on certain ways of being and relating to others that keep us safe, but also isolated from ourselves and those we love.
This is normal considering what we have experienced. Trauma and a lack of early nurturing skews our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. We learn not to trust either, and this determines how we are in relationship within and with others. At the core is our longing to be in nurturing relationships, yet these often don’t work out as we wish.
The need to feel loved, wanted, and accepted are so innate in us – yet our protective mechanisms prevent us from truly connecting with others. We may feel shame and act out in rejection. We reject because we really want to be needed and accepted, and yet we are afraid. The pain we feel in this dichotomy is profound. It is a blow to our very sense of self.
As your counselor, I can support and guide you in discovering how you can lessen this pain. We will collaborate on how you can feel better about yourself. We will find tools to help you change the pattern of how you relate to yourself and therefore to others, and learn to seek safer and healthier relationships and situations.
It takes strength — not weakness — to seek counselling.